Boy Meets Girl

Boy meets girl.

Boy likes girl.

Boy loves girl.

Boy loses girl.

Boy sees girl posted a picture of new boy on Instagram. Boy immediately starts spinning out.

Boy zooms in on the picture—careful to not accidentally like it—to see if boy knows who new boy is.

Boy stares at the picture for a really, really long time, then concludes that boy can’t tell who new boy is because the picture is taken from too far away and is also kind of blurry.

Boy is confused because girl and boy broke up, like, only a week ago, so how has girl already found new boy?

Boy is also shocked because girl posted new boy on girl’s grid and not even on girl’s story.

Boy is, like, girl totally sees a future with new boy, otherwise girl would not post on grid.

Boy screams loudly.

Boy cannot believe girl clearly has new relationship that is serious and definitely not casual.

Boy starts spinning out in an even crazier way.

Boy calls up boy’s friend and asks what boy’s friend thinks about this situation.

Boy’s friend reminds boy that it’s literally 4 A.M., and boy’s friend has to get up in two hours for boy’s friend’s shift at the hospital.

Boy apologizes, but is also, like, can boy’s friend just really quickly tell boy what boy’s friend thinks this means?

Boy’s friend listens to the situation but doesn’t give boy a definitive answer.

Boy asks boy’s friend to give a definitive answer.

Boy’s friend, again, does not give a definitive answer but, rather, a diplomatic one, saying that nobody knows what is going on in anyone’s life, really.

Boy gets frustrated at boy’s friend, asking boy’s friend to just lie to boy when boy is clearly in a paranoid state like this.

Boy’s friend gets angry and tells boy that there are more serious things happening in life, like going to work, and saving lives.

Boy yells that boy is experiencing an emotional death, which is equally important, and then boy very immaturely hangs up.

Boy sits for a minute.

Boy instantly regrets saying that boy’s emotional death is equivalent to actual death.

Boy calls boy’s friend back but is sent straight to voice mail.

Boy panics because obviously boy’s friend is mad at boy now.

Boy leaves a lengthy, apologetic message about how boy’s friend is such a good friend to boy, and how boy actually really appreciates the way boy’s friend is always honest and doesn’t just tell boy what boy wants to hear, and how boy is sorry for acting all insane and hopes that none of boy’s friend’s patients die tomorrow.

Boy also asks if boy’s friend still wants to watch “Oppenheimer” this weekend because, you know, boy was looking forward to that.

Boy ends message.

Boy sits in silence, left to boy’s own thoughts.

Boy hates boy’s own thoughts.

Boy decides to watch “The King’s Speech” because it’s free on Amazon and sad but not too sad.

Boy checks how old Colin Firth is because Colin Firth looks really old in “The King’s Speech” for some reason.

Boy finds out that Colin Firth is sixty-one.

Boy freaks out because last time boy saw Colin Firth in something was “What a Girl Wants,” when Colin Firth was, like, thirty or whatever.

Boy spirals about Colin Firth’s wrinkles, but, if boy is being honest with boy’s self, boy is really spiralling about how fast the general passage of time feels.

Boy realizes boy met girl two years ago.

Boy and girl were together for two whole years.

Boy and girl played Galaga late at night at the small arcade around the corner from boy’s apartment.

Boy and girl drove to Costco just to eat cheap hot dogs.

Boy and girl accidentally went to Marseille because boy and girl thought “Amélie” was set in Marseille, but it wasn’t—it was set in Paris.

Boy is now in boy’s late twenties.

Boy’s friends are all getting married.

Boy’s friends are maybe even having kids.

Boy is depressed because boy is going to die alone, with no children, watching “The King’s Speech” in boy’s studio apartment forever.

Boy looks at girl’s Instagram picture again and sees there’s a caption.

Boy reads caption, which says that new boy in picture is girl’s second cousin from out of town.

Boy squints at picture and realizes girl’s second cousin kind of looks like a younger Mark Ruffalo, which boy thinks is kind of cool.

Boy calms down.

Boy is completely fine now.

Boy is happy, even.

Boy turns on “What a Girl Wants” and laughs really hard at the part where Colin Firth tries on leather pants. 

Boy Meets Girl
Source: News Flash Trending