To Whom It May Concern,
My name is George Santos Rockefeller. I have a wide breadth of experience that I believe makes me an excellent candidate for a position at your company, which is a company that I founded.
Let’s start with my educational experience. I’m an alum, of course, but I’m also one of many alumni. Harvard, Yale, the Sorbonne—these are all names of colleges. I got grades, and I sat down in various seats for numerous tests. And, during my school years, I took many classes—all of which I also taught.
After graduation, I started my own business: Amazon. But I soon gave it all up in pursuit of my life’s true calling: winning a Nobel Prize. I won, of course, but then I donated the prize and money and any mention of my name to an animal shelter that doesn’t have an address or phone number anymore. Do not try to contact them.
For a number of years, I worked in the financial sector at places like Citigroup and Goldman Sachs. I did such an amazing job that, if you ask my former bosses about me, they remain so stunned by my endeavors to this day that they’ll only respond, “Who?”
My next career was in the world of self-help. I travelled around giving sermons and healing people with my hands and was followed by twelve committed disciples. But I learned that you can’t always trust your co-workers, and I quit while I was ahead—just before one of them was about to betray me.
Now, onto the stuff that really matters. My most recent work experience was as a congressional representative for the great state of New York. I served eight terms, and then became President of the United States. And, if my time in office taught me one thing, it’s these two things: work hard, be honest, and refuse to ever admit you’re wrong.
As for my personal background, unfortunately my entire family perished in the September 11th terrorist attacks, in 2001. You can call any one of them today and they will attest to this. Also, I am of Jewish descent, in the same way that Canadians are from Australia. Does that make sense?
All of this certainly positions me to be your top candidate, but let’s answer the most pressing question: Why should you hire me? Well, I believe that your company could use the voice and mind of an elder statesman, and that describes me to a T. I am a hundred years old.
Thank you for taking the time to read this letter, which I definitely wrote. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
George Santos Shakespeare 
George Santos Applies for a New Job
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